past saturday morning

It has been a strange week for me. I experienced too many emotions in a very short time period and it was exhausting.

Monday was a nightmare and mostly just an embarrassment. I felt like I was making a fool of myself in more than one way and I really just wanted to curl up in bed and disappear for the week.

But I had to face the music.

Tuesday rolled around and I did not know what to do with myself. Alexander was coming back that same evening from his trip. I was beyond excitement, but at the same time I had to deal with some people that I dealt with miserably the day before again. And I was not sure how the return would be.

But everything went pretty fine. I called the magazine editor and arranged for a next call date. She’ll be back in the office on Wednesday, Tanya suggested I call on Thursday and hopefully I’ll get a meeting. I went to school at noon and met with my principle again about dropping some subjects. It went much better after I wrote down why and how and so forth. I also spoke to my lecturers, they were a little disappointed, but also supportive. I felt much-much better than Monday.

Alexander got home at around 9:30. I was overwhelmed.

The week was exhausting from then on and we did not see much of each other. I had to work and he spent most of the day with his family who’s here at the moment. Everything felt very wrong and out of place for me.

Thursday I did not get to see him at all, I had to take care of the boys and stay at their dad’s house. But I think it was good so we could get some rest. Both of us were mostly very tired.

Yesterday was a fine day; I left work just after 4 to meet Alexander at the Waterfront. I had to pick-up his house keys. He was still going for dinner with his parents later the evening.

I guess I am emotionally prone to exaggeration. Things that other people see as trivial can be huge to me. And because of this I found myself in the most awkward situation ever when I went to the Waterfront.

I told him I wanted to meet his parents before they leave. I know we’ve only been together for a couple of months, but it was not like I would get to meet them again any time soon. Considering the distance between Cape Town and Albuquerque.

When I first suggested it he gave me a funny smile (I call it the “you are weird” smile), but said we could arrange something. So I was happy. We decided on Saturday for lunch or coffee before they leave. So I have been preparing for the occasion during the week. I mean meeting the family is a kind of big deal.

I was therefore not prepared to meet them without warning in CNA at the V&A Waterfront. And I don’t think they knew they were going to meet me either.
I felt like a complete idiot. I was introduced, took the keys, and pretty much ran out of the store. I wanted the earth to swallow me.

I came to the apartment and called Anton. I was feeling terrible. He calmed me down and I felt better. But a little later I was feeling worse. I even cried and felt totally pathetic. I had all these plans for when he arrived later the evening, but all of a sudden everything felt wrong.

I spoke to Dai later and she also calmed me down. I think both her and Anton understood, so that helped a lot. But I still felt rather stupid. Why was I making such a HUGE deal out of this?

I went to Superspar and bought a bottle of wine, deciding that the best way to deal with this was to drink it away. But luckily I did not and only had a little wine while watching Lola Rennt again. It made me feel a lot better.

After watching the movie I got into the bathtub with my new book and a cup of tea.

I was still in the bath when he came home. I told him how I felt about what happened and he was great about it, as he always is. And we are still having lunch today. So all of us have been warned!

The rest of the evening was blissful and it was still like that when we woke up today. He is not here now, I will meet them later. But I think all is well now in my heart and in my head.

I hope…