spirit

I am not enjoying waking up so very early in the mornings. Tuesday is the only day I do not need to get up early, and then the weekends.

In the mornings at six the alarm goes off. I am usually awake immediately and switch it off. Alexander does not wake up, I think he could sleep through most unpleasantries like noisy alarms and screetching seagulls at 5AM.

I steady myself out of bed, while it is still pretty dark out, and walk to the shower. Less than ten minutes later I am pretty much ready to go. I fill my the plastic dish with muesli and yoghurt, grab a pear and leave the house. Sometimes I will try to give Alexander a kiss, but mostly he is with his head in the pillow so I just wave and leave.

I get into the car and start driving. The first couple of minutes in silence as there is no radio reception in parts of Seapoint. It's a cliche, but it is just my thoughts and I going down Regent Road.

By the time I get to Greenpoint there is reception and I listen to SAFM. Usually what's on the front pages of the papers. I wonder about becoming a radio personality. Sometimes I switch to 5FM.

I pass the speed trap where everybody breaks and continue over the limit to Diep River. Usually all the lights are green.

I move against the traffic so it is quiet for me. I like it that way of course, who wouldn't. I wonder about everything.

All this time, I feel like a spirit. Nothing confirms my existence. I feel like I am not.

I arrive at the house and the first person I see is the mom. After a couple of minutes chatting to her and the kids I start feeling real again.

It reminds me of the times I went on vacation by myself. Roaming the streets of Bangkok and Tokyo with no one to confirm my existence. Only in the moments when I check into a hotel or order a meal do I feel like I am again.

It is fun to go into my own head sometimes and feel like I am not real. Especially when traveling.

But feeling like a spirit on a Wednesday morning does not appeal to me much.