not judge judy

I think I am kind of back. It has been a mad couple of weeks and I feel ready to cut off all contact with the world and disappear. Planning to keep my phone switched off over the weekend and spend some quality time with Alexander.

But that is still a day away and in the meantime things still have to happen. Ugh.

A couple of Mondays ago I found myself in City Hall inside the saddest courtroom. It was actually my first time inside a courtroom and a complete letdown. No journalists frantically sketching bored looking judges or hot convicts. No prim lady typing away at an insane speed. Nothing that one would associate with a proper courtroom was present. Even the magistrate was a total letdown.

A rather heavy-set woman with weird hair that looked as if she’s been sleeping underneath heaps of court documents for weeks and could not care less anymore. Although it became apparent that she does actually care a lot. A lot.

Just to be clear, I was with my employer in court who had to appear for not paying a speeding fine. I was just an innocent bystander so to speak.

Everybody sat around the sides of the room on a long bench. I believe I was the only person there who was not to appear in the little guilty box.

At first it seemed like it might be an entertaining morning, but I soon realized that this was not going to be. One case after the other came, mostly to do with speeding or ignoring stop streets.

But there were some highlights. The first accused was a tiny woman from Brooklyn whose neighbour complained about a barking dog. The magistrate reprimanded the lady for not training the dog to behave. She related the tale of her own dog. A little terrier of sorts who lives with her in her tiny apartment and how she trained the dog not to bark all the time and how she often takes it for long walks on the beach to stimulate the puppy. Thank you for that intimate peak into your life, I thought, hoping she will continue relating little personal stories.

The next accused was the highlight. A poor soul from the Congo, not trying to make a better life for himself in SA.

This man’s bumped up little car ran into a building in downtown Cape. The whole story was rather confusing. He was in court because he got a fine for his car brakes not working (the fine was given after the crash). He claimed that the brakes were working up to 5 minutes before the accident. He realized the brakes were not working and was trying to slow the car down. His handbrake was also not working so in the end he just switched of the car. The magistrate freaked out at this.

“How can you switch of the car when it is still running? You have put the people of South Africa in danger. You are a threat to the safety of the people of this country that is hosting you and giving you a home.”

Yes, even here in South Africa we live under the constant threat of terrorist attacks.

After telling him what a threat he is to society and so on and so on she wanted to know if he can pay some of the fine. He told her it’s really tough, he has a wife and three kids and wife gave him a little cash, but he does not have work and cannot pay the full fine.

So the M asked if he is looking for work and this was his reply: “No, mam. The truth is, I am a very lazy man and have never worked, so I am not looking for work.”

The courtroom burst out laughing, but Her Worship was NOT amused. She turned a purplish red and flew off the handle.

The poor man left looking rather confused and also sad that he had to part with the R200 his wife gave him. Apparently she is the only one working in the family.

And so the day continued. Not very eventful. I became rather bored and took notes in the hope that some other funny events will take place, but no such luck.

There was one man who called the M “Your Majesty” to which she answer “No, no, no. Not majesty, Worship.”

Can somebody explain to me why Worship?

When my employer was on the stand there was some confusion and for a moment the judge thought I was responsible for not giving her some court order. Wagging her finger at me, bright red in the face again she started telling me off for not handing over the document, but luckily Antonet came to my rescue and explained to Her Worship that I DID in fact give her the court order. Which is the truth. It was a bit stressful for a moment, but she was kind enough to apologize for being rude.

I felt kind of sorry for the woman. Imagine having to sit day in and day out listening to peoples lame excuses and handling the most inane cases for a living.

What got me the whole time I was there was just the pettiness of some of the cases and reminded me a bit of the Democratic Alliance.

Harassing the president over his retirement home and the deputy about her vacations and always yapping on about corruption, when meantime, there are much bigger issues doing the rounds.